The Impostor Syndrome

by Stake Janton

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06:28
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about

Conceived sometime in Spring 2013...initially a somewhat self-conscious attempt at a "rap record"--I spawned my biggest hit to date-can you guess which one?????

Steeping my teabag self in all varieties of dead serious nonsense. I became a hot flowerbed of all things UNCANNY. Nights I often got drunk on box wine and fell asleep to old Bugs Bunny cartoons--yoked out of daytime certainties-I'd come to find myself clawing my way back after wrasslin' the Angry Ghost with the spectacular buttocks. After the fall I would sit like a ton of bricks until I transcended my former wormy exterior. I was, in a word, anointed.

I hope you enjoy this modest collection.

credits

released August 26, 2016

all words and sounds - Stake Janton

*except for "General States"
sample from Robert Anton Wilson's talk at the Disinfo conference
year 2000 ("I don't have a wall of vaginas")

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Jake Stanton Vernon Township, New Jersey

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Track Name: Scary Business
There's a costume you're wearing
But I'm probably dreaming
Guess I cannot deal with this
Torrential feeling
Groping n' kicking-rowing n' thinking
Gassing the head space with the
Crass and congealing while

Wendy is watching while
Freddy is coming from a
P.O.P.O.P. so offensive it's stunning
He laughs at the bully who is ever subletting
In the town residing in
Freddy's fat noggin

You thought it was tragic
The exchange's static
"Get the fuck out of my bubble"?
That's so undemocratic

"You're hurtful and evil and
Spoiled and vicious
I hate you, I hate you!
Now go do the dishes!"

"Your thoughts are so dangerous
Don't even think 'em
Specially while washin' the
Sweet little children
If you don't say your sorry ya
Best be thinkin' it
I read a book now I can't get away from it!"

Beyond this veil of tears there's a self-mocking grin
All to diffuse the-unpleasantness-we're wading in
But it doesn't work-I bet I look like a jerk
I just could never seem to catch your name

Your mouth becomes an O
Pouring out a Shepard Tone
In the road-as we walk to the other side
O' could it be like this?

You thought it was tragic
The exchange's static
So come into my bubble
And float on into the night

If I sound like I got a clue
I've gone thru great strides just to do that to you
Now tell me how I look on the mic

Treading water and paying my dues
All while drinking beer and watching cartoons
Alas I've lived this Scary Business
Now come on baby honey and step on into the light
Track Name: Belt
I'm not ethical girl
Or even a vegan
So I'mma gonna eat this
Gosh darned Tombstone pizza

Like a juvenile
Hell, it's so nice to meet ya
Too bad I'm gonna die jung
In totally phat secret

Well, below the belt

Let me be your Agony Aunt
Let me be your "just as well"
I still make five figures incase
Ya couldn't even ever tell

Let me be your Agony Aunt
Let me be your "just as well"
I still make five figures
If you couldn't...

You bring it up on yourself
Stolen we make love
Judy Sill's 'Heartfood'
Sticks us to the bed

Whose bed? NO ONES
And hey! I guess we're dead
Cause you're kissin' my lips
Whilst you're giving me head

We always did the impossible
Well, below the belt

Let me be your Agony Aunt
Let me be your "just as well"
I come in packs of five incase
Ya couldn't even ever tell well

Let me be your Agony Aunt
Let me be your "just as well"
I'll meet you somewhere back there
Well, below the belt

Listen

You were a stranger
Before you became a myth
Ya traversed the seas
Before you broke against the cliffs

Heck I was a crater
I collected your clips
And we turned into a theater
Before you turned into a spaceship

And ya left me as a child
With a pencil stickin' in my bellybutton
I cried for awhile
Before I learned to write you something...


Let me be your Agony Aunt
Let me be your "just as well"
I still make five figures incase
Ya couldn't even ever tell

Let me be your Agony Aunt
Let me be your "just as well"
I'll meet you somewhere back there
Well, below the belt

I'm ethical now
I'm even a vegan
I chopped off my hair
Even cleaned my teeth and

I'm a carjack
I'm an oil leak
I'm everything
I was ever supposed to be

Well....
Track Name: General Statements For No Girl In Particular (In General)
Hey I can see the bright blue sky
Despite the floaters in my eyes
A curious reaction from the night
I dropped by just to toe the boyfriend line

Since you left me girl I've been doing fine
Reading books writ by finer minds than mind
I'm just a layman laying down dope rhymes
Sippin' port wine and spittin' pantomimes

O' we used to be so haunted
Now new knowledge has humbled us solid
With it we pass time, toke on a time
Test the climate with a safe word we once used for assignment

To reason with our erotic environment I spit
Somewhere between self expression and refinement
Plus extinction (am I blinking?)
My god you must know what I've been just thinking

Which is:

I wanna grab you in the most predictable way
And kiss your mouth and hear you say:
There's a dustbowl in our salty souls
We're on a beach baby boy looks like we're
Growing old
Gotta git off the ol' toasted, sun-blackened shoal
And finally swim to save our sea-sick-last-lost hopes

I say "hope" is a waking dream
Of course I say these things rather obscurely
Obscurity lured me into a mad sleep, got mad steep
In fever dreams of free-standing fantasies

The idiot's sleep is quite a clever treat
For those fed up with nature's steel toed feet
Come on and softly suspend your tired disbelief
Or be spent by the labored fruits of free enquiry

So drop the fragmented self-story
Or better yet getta building a new storied city
Darling one, your fun has just begun so
Pimp those pains as disarmingly charming quirks
That keep you feeling pretty

And you are pretty
When a smile escapes yer face
A brat-a beauty-same style-same state of grace
Steady your headspace on the shit I say yo
More logically seductive then the poetry I play O

So stupid at first blush it sounds intelligent
I guess in this world everything is absolutely relative I
Thought about death and smoked a cigarette
With a pretty fine girl I just barely only met

Hey Doc, are you getting all of this?
If not I wrote on some flashcards a couple of things
Namely a succinct outline of inverse reasoning
I blink, hey I'm fine, but shit is still festering

You know she loved me vehemently
Only in hindsight can I attempt to imitate thee
Better angels that were screaming at me to
Shut the fuck up man and watch the Gee Dee Tee Vee!

It's just a rerun of a show I've never seen before
But Doc she loved it so much I didn't have the heart to stay for more
My enjoyment would've spoiled the intended humor
Plus I needed a beer or just a cool glass of water

and he said:

Is this a joke? Cause I'm not laughing
You better watch your mouth in front of the children
It's a crazy 'Cop and Civilian' kind of story
Man she fallin' from a three story building

That's the kind of shit that goes on in Vernon
You feel like you're on the precipice of a Black Diamond
Plus you think too much and you don't take your vitamins
It's no big deal at least you've got your wit and your irony

Still

Darling this night is steeped in sentiment
Not mention wine, rose petals, and excrement
It's really no big fucking testament
I thought maybe we could try to enjoy it a bit

Or say

Fuck it-stay in bed and claim unemployment
Spark a joint up-open the windows and
Let the noise in
Is that vintage perfume or some kind of new ointment?
All the smells that doth cake on our allergic enjoyment

You know I came thru a wormhole just for you
Just to see you one last time
But you know how this shit goes
How it looks on paper or maybe with a little acrylic paint applied

You rehash and rehearse the same ol' lines
Til the one thing ya feared is monitoring the goal lines
Well I tired of trying to involve your star sign
Either take me as a I am or better luck with the next guy

Still

You are a splendor and a b-b-b-beacon
It's not flattery baby girl-just simple bereavement
On my part or on your part maybe
Hey I've taken just a little bit of m-meat and gravy

And prayed to all the appropriate deities
I wrote this shit out just so you could hear it straight from me
Gone are the days of fresh face and bumpin' uglies
I know behind the pride yer heart still wants

Cause

I can see the stars tonight
Despite all the car lights and road signs
I'm with a pretty girl just drivin' that thin line
I make a joke, she laughs, and then BAM
Like that we're fine
Track Name: Gooseflesh
I was wearing a silly t-shirt
(Not hoping)
To get caught in a serious situation
(And thinking)
I was all right
I could've put up a fight
And I was wearing a silly t-shirt
One day all your dreams
They will be over
When the whiskey* on the top shelf
Finally leaves you sober
You're gonna try
Gonna get real high
And then you'll wake up
In a silly t-shirt
O' my love has it been that long now?
Since we finally burned down that farm house
Now everyone's got a gun
They're all lookin' to shoot someone
And they're all wearing silly t-shirts
Everyone needs someone
To rely on or to lie down on
Tell a joke
Maybe share a kiss
A cosmic dance 'tween all of this
Everyone needs someone
I was wearing a silly t-shirt
(Not hoping)
To get caught in a serious situation
(And thinking)
I was all right
Though I couldn't put up a fight
And I was wearing a silly t-shirt
One day all your dreams will be sober
When the wine on the bottom shelf
Finally tips you over
You're gonna kiss her
And man you're gonna miss
And she'll be wearing nothing but a silly t-shirt
One day all of this will come to a rise
The holy spirit will be streaming out of eyes
You're gonna wear a big toothy grin
And you're gonna stink of middle-class gin
And you'll be wearing nothing but a silly t-shirt

*also whisky
Track Name: Dog Days (Summer Of 1990)
Got born on a dog day
And everyday dishes our more dissonance
I guess I’m well read but damned inarticulate
Politically illiterate-a philistine-a diletante

Got born on a dog day
And I think you know what that means
I'm too high to flirt-but I catch every signal
I’m a lightening rod and she's in spread eagle

Got born on a dog day
Out of an invisible UFO
Now my mental maps are really Rorschach blots
I went to school but honeycomb I lost the plot
I got caught

Howling at the big moon

And come on come
We don t have to be afraid any longer
Howling at the big moon
Has only made us stronger

And you ll grow up into a sea maiden
Carried along by tiny fish skeletons
Into the maw of a giant brown pelican
Who will swallow you back into me ...again

Got born on a dog day
Thought I saw you there too
In your child's dress you were torn from your nest
Thrust into the secret life god gave you
And me too